Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
