Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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