I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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