I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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