There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
