why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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