Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
