I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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