i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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