he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
