Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
