I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
try to milk me bitch
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
