so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
