I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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