Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
