My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
