I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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