just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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