She's JV to your varsity
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
