you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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