im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
