First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
