I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
