The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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