The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
