Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
