There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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