If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
