Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The uberlube is also flammable
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
