Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
