Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
