She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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