he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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