I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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