I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
