just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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