I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
