What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
