I can't watch pbs sober anymore
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
