I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
