Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
