we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
