I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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