TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
