dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
