It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
