I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
