Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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