i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
