apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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