i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
